When You Don't Know What To Pray

I have about three distinct moments in my life when I was so overwhelmed that I didn't even know what to pray: an adoption that appeared to be falling through, unexpected relational conflict and a terminal diagnosis for the son I was carrying.  

All of these moments highlighted my limitations and lack of control. I remember feeling physically and mentally numb – I knew the Lord was present but could not see what He was working out. I was left feeling paralyzed most days and in a place where I had to decide if I really believed that God was faithful and used suffering to grow His people. I had to decide if I was going to spiral into despair, or cling to and proclaim the Hope of my eternal salvation to each unknown or anguish filled moment. Romans 8 is often where I landed because of the sustaining reminders and truths that Paul shares with the church.

1. There is a future glory.

Paul states in verse 18 that our “sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.” He is not saying that whatever you are facing today is insignificant, but giving the reminder that those who are in Christ have the hope of eternity with Him.  The “sons of God” (believers), will someday be revealed and we will be ready for heaven because of the fruit born from trusting in and longing for Him. Paul acknowledges the groaning of believers, but also compares it to childbirth – painful yet something with a beautiful ending in its unbroken state (“Future Glory, Present Help: Romans 8:18-30” 136). The hard things that we face as waiting saints can be viewed with the lens of eternity – pressing and molding to make us more like Christ (Romans 5:3-5, 1 Peter 4:19, James 1:2-4). We live in the tension of “now and not yet,” we have the legal status of redemption and assurance of salvation, but do not yet live in a fully redeemed world which is promised to be free from sickness, disaster and conflict. 

John Newton’s example of how suffering Christians should wait has really helped shift my perspective. He said, “Suppose a man was going to New York to take possession of a large estate, and his carriage should break down a mile before he got to the city, which obliged him to walk the rest of the way; what a fool we should think him if we saw him wringing his hands and blubbering out all the remaining mile, “My carriage is broken! My carriage is broken!” 

Yes, the setbacks and losses have real implications on earth, but when compared to an eternity with Christ we can remember we only have “a mile to go.”  The promise of Heaven and glory should spur us on to endure our current hardships with hope, awaiting our future and complete inheritance (“Future Glory, Present Help: Romans 8:18-30” 132-133).

2. He knows exactly what I need.

Paul teaches us that we have a very present help for the troubles we face while waiting on earth. Often when filled with anxiousness or faced with difficult circumstances, we do not even know how to pray or what to ask. Verses 26 and 27 tell us, “Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.” In each of those three moments, I knew what I wanted, but I did not know God’s plan or purpose. Was He going to make all the paperwork and governmental powers align so we could bring Esther home? He did. Was He going to work miraculously and bring relational reconciliation and healing from trauma? I am seeing glimpses of that and a purpose in the waiting process. Was He going to work miraculously to bring physical, earthly healing or sustain and care for a grieving mother?  It was the latter. 

While waiting on Esther’s adoption approval and visa from the US consulate in Uganda, friends and family from home created a prayer sign up in thirty minute intervals, around the clock until we received an answer and then welcomed our new daughter into our community when we returned home.  When working through broken relationships, the Lord provided specific Bible studies regarding forgiveness and mercy, causing my heart to soften and be open to reconciliation – showing me that maybe all the disruption was just so I would learn more about my personal need for mercy.  After a devastating ultrasound and continued decline of our son, Nolan, the Lord provided abundant support through His people: medical professionals from our own church body to advise us, Gospel Community members who offered meals and babysitting, family members who would come sit and just feel the hurt, women who had walked similar paths reaching out to provide comfort…I could go on.

In all three of these pivotal moments, the Spirit stood and continues to stand in the gap for me. In fact, one of the most beautiful evidences of this was that in the year leading up to the devastation we faced in 2018, the Lord had me studying the topic of suffering through studies of Romans, 1 Peter, and James. He had been building my theology of suffering, faithfully providing just what I needed, and abundantly more than I could ask or think (Eph. 3:20), before I ever knew what to cry out. These verses brought so much comfort because I knew that regardless of my perspective, the Spirit would groan and ask for exactly what I needed. 

3. God will be good to me.

Then there is verse 28, “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Sometimes when read alone, this feels a little bit like a water bottle sticker or a “Chin up, Buttercup” statement. However, it is so much richer. Believers have the promise that He will use all of our circumstances to grow us and make us more like Him — and eventually rejoice fully in glory. We are promised that all of our mistakes, pain, disappointments and losses have a purpose and are being used by the Lord for something good – they are not meaningless (2 Cor. 4:17-18). 

Losing a son will never be “good,” but the Lord has used Nolan’s short life to draw me closer to Him and comfort others with the same comfort I have received (2 Cor. 1:3-5) – and that is good. He has used my trials to reveal more beautiful aspects of His character that I did not understand before deep suffering (Job 42:2-6) – and that is good.  The pain revealed my need for Him to be my only sustenance and increased my belief in His care for me – and that is good.  I learned the true peace found in trusting Him alone to provide for my needs – and that is good. He showed me that my feelings and circumstances do not determine what is true about Him – and that is good. It is good because it sets my eyes on an unseen, unfading hope of glory rather than the broken, empty cisterns offered by the world (1 Peter 1:4). God has already kept His promise to conform me to His image and will also be faithful to make it all whole in glory (v. 29-30).  

These verses in Romans 8:18-30 speak to everyday suffering, the weariness of the mundane and even deep pain that so many of us carry.  It speaks to suffering that is self-induced through poor decisions and sin, and suffering that is placed on us involuntarily from outside circumstances. It teaches the Christian how to have an eternal perspective while waiting to be fully and finally restored with Christ. 

Church, the more we can look to Heaven for hope, the more unshakeable our foundation will be when the storms roll in. We will be a light on a hill when the world is lost in darkness. Let us encourage one another to focus on our promised freedom in glory and worship the One who has provided the way of eternal salvation. 

“Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face and the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in light of His glory and grace.” - Helen Lemmel, 1918

Whitney Sheets is a covenant member at Redeemer Lubbock, where she’s served with everything from greeting to leading Gospel Communities and supporting Goers on Advocacy Teams. She is a wife and mom, who currently uses her M.A. in Social Work to volunteer with and support the ministry of Parkridge.